


Romantically Inept

by JayceCarter



Series: Random Fallout Shenanigans [9]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Drunkenness, F/M, No Smut, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-31 22:23:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayceCarter/pseuds/JayceCarter
Summary: Nora explains to her friends about speed dating, and Hancock decides they need to try it. Alcohol fueled shenanigans ensue as she realizes exactly why none of her friends are in relationships.***Written for The_Real_Sina who came up with the idea. I hope I did it justice!***





	Romantically Inept

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Real_Sina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Real_Sina/gifts).



“So, you slept with ten men at once?” Hancock had his eyebrow cocked up, a grin across his lips. “Oh, you always keep me guessing, sunshine.”

Nora glared. “I said speed dating, not speed screwing. I know you only have experience with the second of one those.”

“One time, sister. I was drunk, and I made it up to you the next morning.”

Nora laughed, leaning against Hancock’s bony shoulder. One of the things she loved about him was his ability to take a joke, to never take life too seriously.

“I don’t understand the point of the exercise,” Danse said, not drunk enough to become fun, yet and for the Paladin that was an incredibly high level of drunkenness.

“It wasn’t an exercise. It was a way to meet someone. You got to have, like, ten mini-dates, to meet ten different people, and then you decided if you wanted to see any of them again.”

“And you did this?”

“Of course I did. How do you think I met Nate?”

Hancock huffed, the way he always did when Nate was mentioned. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was jealous of Nora’s late husband. “Should just meet people the way I do, by stabbing someone to say hello. Works every time.”

“Well, that got you sent to jail in the old day, so we had to suffer through speed dating.”

“We should speed date!” Hancock stood, holding his whiskey bottle up.

A chorus of no’s rang in response, which didn’t surprise Nora. The only one who would want to do this was the only one who didn’t need to find anyone. Leave it to Hancock to want to harass everyone else just for fun.

“There is no possible way I’m setting you all up for a speed dating game.”

 

 

_An hour and a lot of beer later:_

 

“So, women normally stay put and men, you move when I ring this bell.” Nora wavered on her feet as she held up the bell, like they had no idea what she was talking about.

“Come on, sister, you’ve gotta play, too.” Hancock pushed Nora into a seat.

“I can’t, I’m refereeing. I’m in charge of this circus and these are all my monkeys. Besides, I’m taken.”

Hancock leaned in and nipped her earlobe. “Can’t ask your men to do anything you wouldn’t do. Besides, I’m not a jealous man. You’ll still end up in my bed tonight, so have some fun.” He took the bell from her hand. “Alright boys and girls, let’s play this game. You got a minute to impress our lovely leader here. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

None of the girls agreed to play, meaning they were a hell of a lot smarter than she was. It left Nora in the unfortunate position of having all the dates on her own. Then again, these men hadn’t managed any luck dating on their own. They could probably use some help.

The bell rang.

Deacon took the seat across from her. “If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print, baby.”

Nora sighed. “That’s the best you’ve got?”

“I can do better! I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down-“

Nora reached back and shook Hancock’s hand, forcing the bell to ring. “Next!”

Deacon winked before vacating the seat for Danse, who looked about as happy as a man wiping a feral’s ass.

“This is demeaning to us both,” he said.

“No argument here, but you haven’t had a single date in all the time I’ve known you. I think you could use some help. So, what kind of girl do you like?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.”

He crossed his arms and frowned. “I like women in power armor. And women who mod their weapons.”

Nora thought back to the groan he’d released when she’d worked on adding the silencer to her pistol. She’d turned and his cheeks had been red, a line of sweat on his brow. “That’s it, I’m moving my weapons bench inside from now on.”

He flushed before stammering off a weak denial and sliding out of the chair.

And Deacon sat again, this time in a different wig. “Well here I am, what were your other two wishes?”

“No cheating, D. Get up.”

He laughed and stood up.

Strong sat the next time, chair groaning beneath his weight. “This stupid.”

“Yeah, for you, it probably is. I don’t think any charming conversation is really going to get you very far. You’re a lot of man to handle.”

“Not man, super mutant.”

“Right. Silly me, how could I confuse them? Well, for shits and giggles, what’s your perfect date?”

“Strong want someone to eat.”

“Well. . . that offer might get you more dates than you’d think.” Nora dropped her face against the table, closing her eyes. This was a stupid idea. Who had thought drunken speed dating was a good idea anyway?

Right, Hancock. The one person not forced to play.

The chair groaned again when Strong got up, and someone else took the seat. Nora looked up, into the dark sunglasses of X6. Well, better than Deacon, she guessed.

“You’re a lost cause, X6. Sorry. Even I have my limits.”

“I have had plenty of experience with the opposite sex, Ma’am.”

“I don’t mean killing them.”

He leaned forward, his arm on the table. Bourbon poured off his breath and it made her smile. X6 rarely drank, usually too busy telling them how unwise it was to join in on any of their fun.

“The Institute trained me well in how to use physical pleasure as a method of intel gathering. I excelled at those lessons, Ma’am. I’d be happy to show you sometime.” He reached across the table and ran his thumb over the back of her hand in a blatant flirt.

The bell rang.

“Wait, I don’t think that was a whole minute.” Nora grabbed for X6’s hand.

“Oh, trust me, it was enough time. Go on, brother, and don’t forget to take that hand of yours with ya’.” Hancock leaned in and bit down on her neck. “You’re gonna pay for that later.”

She chuckled and gave Hancock a drunken grin. Served him right since this whole fiasco was his fault. 

Deacon sat in front of her again, this time dressed like a scientist. “Do you come here often or wait till you get home?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

“No, but I scraped my knee a few times when I crawled up from hell.”

Deacon opened his mouth, shut it, then opened it again. He repeated the motion a few times before smiling. “You win this round, Charmer.”

Preston sat down, gaze shifting around like he had no idea what was going on. “General, I"m sorry to bother you, but I’ve just received word and a settlement-“

“-game over!” Nora stood up and snatched the bell from Hancock, ringing it.

“General, this isn't part of a game.” He tried to speak over the bell, but she kept going.

Nora backed away toward her house, keeping her voice loud enough that Preston couldn’t talk over her. “Wonderful game, bed time now. You’re all going to die alone, except maybe X6, especially if Hancock keeps up with the speed screwing.”

Hancock pointed his finger at her. “One time, sunshine, one time!”

Nora grinned at the group. They were drunk, socially outcast, and romantically inept, but they were her family, and she loved each of them.


End file.
